If you want to make someone laugh, use this line: Sorry. say that again. I couldn't hear you over my fart.

One time there was 2 rednecks Bob and John. They were best friends. Bob had just gone bankrupt so he asked John if he could move in with him. Now John didn't have a big house like Bob use to have but agreed to let him stay there till he got out of bankruptcy. The next day when Bob moved in, while at dinner Bob said: "John you know what?" John said:"What is it Bob?" "I thought my house was shitty. Then i came to yours."

How do you know Adam wasnt black? Have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black man? How do you know when Mexicans are illegal? When you scream "La Migra", and everybody is gone in less than a minute. How do you know when a white guy's family is really white? When he tries to be black or mexican.

One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. She was brought before the court on a charge of murder. The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... he could fly!"

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!

1.Your tires cost more than your car. 2.You have a motor hanging out of your tree. 3.Your trailer house tires work but your car tires don't. 5.You write the girl of your dreams name on the tower and then the sheriff makes you take your sisters name off of it. 6.You call your undies britches. 7.The whole town is related to you. 8.You got more trailers than cars. 9.You kill your sisters boyfriends because they're trying to take her away from you. 10. Your haven't had "School learning" because you don't now how to count. (You missed that there was no number 4.) Credit to BLUE COLLAR TV

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good." The next day when he came home his wife asks, "How was your day?" The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!" The third day he comes home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?" She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than you

Q: What does Donald Trump say before he lights off a fire work? A:You`re fired!

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold; and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mount

Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon". The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music. Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can handle," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the board, the pr

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out, "Hey, how'd you do that?" "I could tell you, madam," the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, she yelled back, "Ok, then... Just tell my husband!"