Here are some excuses for if someone asks you to do something with them... I'd love to but... I have to floss my cat. I'd love to but... I've dedicated my life to linguini. I'd love to but... I want to spend more time with my blender. I'd love to but... The President said he might drop in. I'd love to but... The man on television told me to stay tuned. I'd love to but... I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I'd love to but... I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. I'd love to but... It's my parakeet's bowling night. I'd love to but... It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People. I'd love to but... I'm building a pig from a kit. I'd love to

Here are some excuses if someone asks you to do something with them... I'd love to but... People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War. I'd love to but... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. I'd love to but... I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator". I'd love to but... I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. I'd love to but... My yucca plant is feeling yucky. I'd love to but... I'm touring China with a wok band. I'd love to but... My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. I'd love to but... I never go out on days that end in "Y". I'd love to but... My mother would never let me hear the end of it.

Here are some excuses if someone asks you to do something with them... I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER [your name]. I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick aunt. I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down. I'd love to, but I need to eat some food for thought. I'd love to, but I've already used up eight of my nine lives. I'd love to, but the jury is still out. I'd love to, but I'm going to catalog my cutlery collection. I'd love to, but my cat has a yeast infection. I'd love to, but it's against my religion. I'd love to, but the voices say that if I go to work/school, then I will have to sacrifice an animal/smal

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George W. Bush "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." ...Governor George W. Bush "Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ...Governor George W. Bush "Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." ...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94 "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I d

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Genital: Non-Jewish Hang Nail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well known Labor pain: Hurt at work Morbid: Higher offer Nitrate: Cheeper than day Node: Was aware of Outpatient: Person fainted Post op: Letter Carrier Recovery Room: Place to apholster Rectum: Dang near Killed Him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretio

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can do binary and those who can't.

There once was a boy, whose parents was a cursed a lot. One time, while he was on a drive with his dad, a policeman pulled him over and gave him a ticket. "Bastard!" the father muttered afterwards. The boy asked, "What does 'bastard' mean?" The dad told him nervously, "It's a slang word for 'police officer'." Another time, the dad was walking out of the house. On his way out, he tripped over the doormat and yelled, "Shit!" The boy heard and asked, "Dad, what does 'shit' mean?" The dad said to him, "It means 'doormat'." Later, the boy went into the kitchen and his mum was cooking eggs. She dropped one and yelled angrily, "Tit!" The boy asked her, "What does 'tit' mean?" The m

Here are the Top 15 excuses for if you are pulled over by a police officer for speeding, running a red light, etc. 15.) Sorry, I slipped on a banana peel... 14.) Oooohh, you're a policeman? I thought you were just another speeder! I was trying to get away so you wouldn't hit me! 13.) I'm sorry officer but Dunkin Donuts is right ahead, not here. 12.) I'm sorry officer, but I already have a date. 11.) (For Americans caught speeding in Canada...), say, "What's a kilometer?" 10.) "So THAT'S what those signs are for!" 9.) I'm sorry I was speeding officer, but I have diarrhea. 8.) If I was speeding, you were probably speeding to catch me, so how about we forget about the whole thin

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.

Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?

SHOTGUN RULES: Ever have the problem of catching a ride with someone whose car doesn't have much of a back seat? At times like these, it is important to know the rules of calling shotgun. Never again will you let someone take advantage of you because you don't know the rules. Section I - General Rules 1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat. 2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc.. 3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (note:

These are actual announcements from church... 1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early. 3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor. 4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. 5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 6. The service will clo