The football players were doing very well in their games, but when it came to academics, they were failing. So the administrater of the school, who desired all of his students to graduate, talked to the coach of the football team and said, "Coach, if ONE of your football players can answer a single math problem, I will not get rid of the football team, but if he gets it wrong, I'm afraid I will have to throw out the team. When the team was gathered up and a player was selected to answer the problem, the administrator asked him, "Okay, what is 3 + 4?" The football player thought and thought and thought and thought. After five hours and multiple countings on his fingers, the player said, "

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from his store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always buy it here." says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" Anno

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television. He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl? A: He got pissed off.

A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads "pull lever and end world". The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case. One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out of his car, and crosses the road to pull the lever. But, on his way there, he was run over by the car, and was never to be seen again. The moral of the story? Better Nate Than Lever!

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, "Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I'll do that!" So the couple starts to thank him, when he says, "I don't know why you're walking on this nasty day, anyway! It's just about to rain!" The couple looked up in the sky, but didn't see a cloud in sight. They decided not to say anything, and went across the walkway as Officer Ed stopped the traffic. Although, sure enough, it started to rain as soon as they had crossed. It just so happens that the man and the woman were son

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars! The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'" The man grinned and said, "Dasher!" The game show host said, "Correct!" "Comet!" "Correct! What is the last name?" The man yelled, "Olive!" The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?" The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"

Q: What's weirder than a talking dog? A: A spelling bee!

Knock-Knock. Who's There? Cargo. Cargo Who? Car Go "Beep, Beep!"

According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money

"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers, Humorist