14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual Munching Spree Puffy Mid-Section People Make Me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pimples May Surface Pass My Sweatpants Pissy Mood Syndrome Plainly; Men Suck Pack My Stuff Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Q: What's the difference between a blond and a toothbrush? A: You don't lend a toothbrush to your best friend.

What was the female math book that lived underwater wearing? An algae-bra

1970: Wore long hair 2001: Longing for hair 1970: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high. 2001: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Finding a friend to split the price of a keg. 2001: Finding a friend to take me to have an EKG. 1970: Sitting through sessions of Acid Rock. 2001: Sitting through sessions of Acid Reflux. 1970: Thinking of moving to a real kool place. 2001: Thinking of moving to a real warm place. 1970: News stories of people growing pot. 2001: The reality of growing a pot belly. 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my mother and sister. 2001: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my grown children. 1970: Trying to lo

Q: Why did the boy wear a diaper to the party? A: He didn't want to be a party pooper.

Q: What do you do when your nose goes on strike? A: Pick it.

In the depths of the countryside there lived a farmer who took care of baby animals. The farm was very peaceful until one day the farmer's pig was murdered. Now the farmer took this incident very seriously, so he started an investigation. Unfortunately, the only witness the farmer had to this murder was his pet bunny rabbit. Since the rabbit was unable to speak and tell him who murdered the little pig, the farmer lined up his four prime suspects, a cow, a horse, a goat, and a duck, and told the rabbit to pick out who had committed the dirty deed. The rabbit hopped up and down the line, checking each animal, and then finally hopped forward three feet, and stopped in front of the goat. "I

FRIEND: You don't look so good, what's wrong? HARRY: I got domestic trouble. FRIEND: But Harry you always said your wife was a pearl. HARRY: Yeah its the mother of pearl that's the problem.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school? A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Rules for the dog- _______________________ 1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Ok, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain parts. 3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Ok, the dog is allowed on the bed but by invitation only. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only. 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold? A: Sits around a candle Q: What does she do when it gets really cold? A: Lights it

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."