Knock-Knock Who's there? I'm a pile up. I'm a pile up who? Yes, you are a pile of poo!

BOB- It's Friday the 13th. Do you have any superstitions? GEORGE- I think it's unlucky to have superstitions.

Q: Why do black people have white hands? A: Everyone has a little good in them

This is a true story: A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her wayyy up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What diffe

You Know You're From Canada When... 1.) You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk." 2.) You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." 3.) You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. 4.) You drink pop, not soda. 5.) You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean. 6.) You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars. 7.) You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway. 8.) You drive on a highway, not a freeway. 9.) You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. 10.) You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group. 11.) You get excited w

The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City

You Know You're From New York City When... 1.) You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. 2.) You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. 3.) You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 4.) Hookers and the homeless are invisible. 5.) The subway makes sense. 6.) You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 7.) You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". 8.) The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. 9.) Y

Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan? A: A Buffa-loan!

Daddy: Get the Nuts son Bobby: Yes Dad Daddy: Ouch!

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat. "NO!" yelled the blonde. The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again. "NO!" the blonde yelled again. Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped. "Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy. "For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?" The blond

Funny Names of Real People A. Blinkin A. Nicholas Fivepennies Aaron D. Tires Aaron Jeglad Aaron Yerfavor Abbie Birthday Abbie Seenia Abe L. Tuwok Abe Ozo Abe Rudder Abel N. Willan Abner Period Acassa Beer Acassa Coke Achilles Punks Ada Burger Adam Baum Adam Meway Adam Pimple Adam Zapple Adelaide Evening Adolph D'Plate Agusta Wind Al B. Zienya Al Beback Al Bequerque Al Bino Al Cahall Al Catraz Al Coholic Al Dente Al DePantzeu Al Fabet Al Fresco Al Gebra Al Gee Al Gore Ithem Al K. Seltzer Al Kaholic Al Kickurass Al Kida Al Killeu Al Ligator Al Low Al Lowe Vera Al Luminum Al Nino Al O'Moaney Alan A. Daiswerk Alan D'Family Alan Goodtime Alba Tross Alberto Viofive Albie L

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.