Top Jokes
You Know You're From New York City When...
1.) You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
2.) You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3.) You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4.) Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5.) The subway makes sense.
6.) You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
7.) You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
8.) The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
9.) Y
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
"NO!" yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
"NO!" the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
"Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy.
"For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?"
The blond
Funny Names of Real People
A. Blinkin
A. Nicholas Fivepennies
Aaron D. Tires
Aaron Jeglad
Aaron Yerfavor
Abbie Birthday
Abbie Seenia
Abe L. Tuwok
Abe Ozo
Abe Rudder
Abel N. Willan
Abner Period
Acassa Beer
Acassa Coke
Achilles Punks
Ada Burger
Adam Baum
Adam Meway
Adam Pimple
Adam Zapple
Adelaide Evening
Adolph D'Plate
Agusta Wind
Al B. Zienya
Al Beback
Al Bequerque
Al Bino
Al Cahall
Al Catraz
Al Coholic
Al Dente
Al DePantzeu
Al Fabet
Al Fresco
Al Gebra
Al Gee
Al Gore Ithem
Al K. Seltzer
Al Kaholic
Al Kickurass
Al Kida
Al Killeu
Al Ligator
Al Low
Al Lowe Vera
Al Luminum
Al Nino
Al O'Moaney
Alan A. Daiswerk
Alan D'Family
Alan Goodtime
Alba Tross
Alberto Viofive
Albie L
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
A man was searching the dictionary for the word 'Dictionary'. He found this meaning: Dictionary is the thing you are holding, Stupid. Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched for the word stupid, he found: Is that you again?
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It is illegal to d
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."
Her response was "click."
4
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandw
A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE".
Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds."
Noticing the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the same result. The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but t
--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
--Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
--Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
--Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants...
--Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON.
--Overheard 5-year-old daughter shouting, "Faggot!" while watching "Mr. Rogers".
--Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.
--I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!
--Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rectum.
...And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For D
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