You know you're addicted to Wocka.com when... 1.) You have dreamt of Wocka in your sleep, and have actually made up a joke in your sleep. 2.) You've added people to your buddy list JUST to see the last time that they've logged in. 3.) The top username in the rankings is your idol. 4.) You have a notebook filled up with all the jokes you've made up. 5.) If you get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, you just HAVE to check how your new joke is doing, along with reading a "quickie" joke. 6.) You know the Wocka point system by heart. (hmmmmm) 7.) As you read this list, you're thinking about forwarding it to your friends. 8.) The only way that you keep in contact wi

Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, "How do you plead?" "Guilty." "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court." Katz stepped down and the two judges shook hands and changed places. "How do you plead?" asked Tyler. "Guilty." Tyler reflected for a moment. "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late," he pointed out. "In fact, this is the second such incident in the last quarter hour. That'll be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."

The following is a basic guide to Valentine's Day survival for men, which was faxed to Robert Kirby, The Salt Lake Tribune, by the nice ladies down at "Romance Anonymous," formerly known as "Men Are Pigs But We Can't Kill Them." STEP ONE: The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The least expensive way is to look at her -- preferably somewhere on her face -- and say, "I love you, [her name here]". If you forget her name, don't bother with the rest of the steps. You're dead. STEP TWO: A Valentine card is an acceptable nonverbal token of appreciation. Best of all, it's cheap. Good Valentines are pink with lots of lace and have cute words such as "I'll love my sugar bunny fo

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CAR POOL: Complicat

Rising gas prices have caused the following event: The wife comes home and says, "It's been a tough week. I want you to take me someplace expensive tonight." The husband promptly takes her to the nearest Gas Station.

Mom (Reprimandingly): Julia! How many times must I tell you not to pull the cat's tail? Julia (Innocently): But Mom, I'm only holding the tail. It's the cat that's doing the pulling.

I found this joke someplace: In middle school, I was always self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear. When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good." "Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?" "I don't know; and I couldn't care less."

In Fahrenheits... 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don't start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don't start 0 Alaskans put on T-shi

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The follo

A man with two left feet walked into a shoe store and asked, " Do you have any flip-flips?"