Man: Haven't we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn't have been. I don't make the same mistake twice.

BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class. JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn? BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!

What's the difference between MJ and Mr. Potato Head? MJ has more noses. How are MJ and a Wal-Mart bag alike? They're both plastic and hazardous to children.

A boy was playing internet games on Yahoo. Finding it hilarious, he had named himself "emilycheesehotchick". One time, while playing pool, his opponent messaged to him "Want to have cyber sex...?" Curiousity took over him, and so he replied "Sure!". Thus followed a hot and mostly one-sided cyber sex, when all of a sudden, his mother came into the room. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" asked his mother. "I...I....I'm having cybersex with someone on Yahoo..." he replied. The mother paused...and then asked, "Are you emilycheesehotchick...?"

What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me, I'm goin in!

Given m = money, e = evil, t = time and w = women, prove that women are evil (women = evil) 1. m = e ^ (1/2) (money is the root of all evil) 2. t = m (time is money) 3. w = t * m (women are the product of time and money) 4. w = m ^ 2 (substitution) 5. w = {e ^ (1/2)} ^ 2 (substitution) 6. w = e Proven by mathematics - women are evil.

Which comes first, Ben-Gay or Preparation H? Ben-Gay. After you have been gay, you'll need the Preparation H.

Q: What did the blonde say when she crossed the road? A: Hey! How'd I get over here?

Once upon a time in India, the Bengal tiger was on the brink of extinction, due to a vigorous hunting season. So, Prince Naranjahah ordered that no one shall kill another Bengal. Well, this led to the over abundance in zoos and animal shelters, and one day, the tigers broke loose and started attacking the citizens. The citizens then revolted and overthrew the Prince's rule. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

Yo momma is like a brick. She's flat on all sides and gets laid all day.

Recently, Today Tonight have held a survey. The results indicate that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

Knock knock who's there? Ivanna Ivanna who? Ivanna come in, dammit!