Knock-knock? Who's there? Estelle. Estelle Who? Estelle am waiting for you to open this door!

LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don't you get a job? BEGGAR- Actually, I'm an author. I once wrote a book entitled "One Hundred Ways to Make Money." LADY- Well then why are you begging? BEGGAR- It's one of my ways...

"So what's your dog's name?" "I don't know. He won't tell me."

One fine day in the middle of the night, Two dead men got up to fight, Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other, A paralyzed donkey passing by, Kicked a blind man in the eye, Knocked him through a nine-inch wall Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough." DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled." PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?" DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."

FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down? CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."

Here are some books that should never be written: Workaholism, by Anita Dayoff Never Say Goodbye, by C.U. Latta Crowd Control, by General Panic Amazing Facts, by G. Willikers The Last Supper, by M.T. Potts Fast Food, by Eaton Run The Bee Hive, by I. Ben Stung Turn Off The Light, by Les Watts Cattle Ranching, by Brandon D. Bull Bullfighting Mistakes, by Gordon Bluddy

CUSTOMER: "Look at that watch you sold me. It broke. You told me it would last a lifetime." CLERK: "Yeah, well you looked pretty sick the day you bought it."

JUDGE: "The court can produce a dozen witnesses who saw you rob the bank." ROBBER: "Big deal! I can bring in hundreds of people who didn't see it!"

DOCTOR: "Do you smoke or drink?" PATIENT: "I didn't know I had a choice."

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

PIANO PLAYER: "Do you think I have a gift for playing?" LISTENER: "No, but I'll give you one for stopping!"