A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads. The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal." The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy." The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the tr

Yo momma's so ugly, when she went to the house of mirrors, it collapsed.

Yo mommas so old her birth certificate says "EXPIRED"

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

Angie and John were in court after deciding their divorce when the problem of 'who gets to keep the kid' started to arise. Angie exclaimed that the child was hers since she could take care of the kid better than her 'wretched' husband. But the judge wanted to hear John's reason of why he should keep the baby. After thinking for sometime, John said, "Your honor, let me ask you a question: if you put a dollar inside a vending machine and a coke comes out, does this coke belong to you or does it belong to the vending machine?"

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Mr Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

A blonde and her friend were tracing their names from stencils to cut out. When they ran out of room, the blonde turned the paper over and said,"Hey, there's lots more room on this side!"

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? A headbanger.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Yo momma is ugly, And she looks just like you.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Richard M. Nixon: I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken

A boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, "What is your name young man?" The boy replied," Michael Gay." The teacher said," Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?" The boy said, "Michael Gay!" The teacher said," That's ENOUGH young man. Go to the principal's office. THIS SECOND!" The principal saw him and asked him," What is your name young man?" The boy says, " Michael Gay." The principal asks," Why are you calling a gay?" And what is your name?" The boy gets angry and says, "Michael Gay!" The principal says, "Thats it young man, you're suspended! The boy got home and his mother asked," Why are you in trouble?" The boy says, "Michael Gay." The moth