Some common phrases that bees should know: Are you are hipbee? How comb? Hive already finished.

You Know You're Addicted to AIM When... 1.) Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome 2.) You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences... 3.) You're pissed off your buddy list can only hold 200 screen names. 4.) You begin to say hehehe instead of laughing. 5.) You can now type over 70 words per minute. 6.) You type messages to people who are right next to you or on the phone with you. 7.) You won't work at a company that blocks AIM 8.) You sign on and immediately get 10 messages from other people 9.) You have a couple screen names, some of them secret. 10.) You type in random screen names, just to see if anyone has them. 11.) Your screenn

This Is A True Senior's Moment: An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that is red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Oh, yes," the man said, and then he turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last

A new jewelry store was opening for the first time. On the front of the store, there was a sign that said "Popular Prices". A man looked at the sign and walked right in. He asked the employee at the desk, "How much for that pearl necklace?" "14,000 dollars." "What? How are those popular prices?" The employee replied meekly, "We like 'em."

You might be a redneck if you list your dog or cat as a dependent on your taxes. You might be a redneck if you have never been on a main road. You might be a redneck if you drive a minivan to the prom. You might be a redneck if the most expensive jewelery you have came from Dollar General.

You have more than three first names. You drove a monster truck to the prom. You are marrying your brother-in-law. You go out, get drunk, and come home with a tatoo of your momma's name. Your last name is your first name spelled backwards You are readiing these jokes!!!

Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom ''This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die.'' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out. ''Don't worry.'' said the man issuing them out. ''I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle wi

Once there was an old couple who went to the doctor for their checkup. They were told that nothing was physically wrong with them, but that they were both suffering from memory loss, and may want to start writing things down. That night when the couple is at home watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" the curious wife asks. "To the kitchen." "Okay. Can you get me something while you're in there?" "Sure. What?" "I'd like some ice cream please." The man starts to walk into the kitchen. The wife asks, "Shouldn't you write it down?" "Nah. I don't need to. You want ice cream. I can remember that." "Wait. I just remember

A man was taking a walk around town one day and he passed a sign saying 'Talking dog for sale $5'. He thought it was a scam, but he went to see what was up anyway. When he got to the porch a dog came up to him. Deciding to be a smart aleck, he asked the dog if it could talk. The dog said, "Yes, I can. I am the one mentioned in the sign. You can go inside and talk to my owner if you want to buy me." The man asked, "How come you can talk?" The dog answered, "I was a secret CIA experiment. They altered my genes and I used to be a covert agent. I led to many gang busts and stopped a lot of assassination attempts. Once they learned I told my owner about the cases, they kicked me out and now

There was a tailor in a little village who was known to brutally attack and torture his wife by clobbering her head with a club and stab her with needles. The villagers decided that they should bring the tailor to justice, so they arrested him and took him to the village elders. The elders believed everyone should have a second chance, so they gave the tailor one last chance. They told him," We will give you one last chance for you and your wife to share sorrow and happiness together. If you don't, you will be sent to the gallows to be hanged." The villagers gleefully looked on as the tailor somberly walked home. The first few weeks went well, but after that, the tailor started clobbering

1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police. 2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronize them. 3. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a nice, quiet cuddle--SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready for action when they return. 4. Sit on the front porch with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense. Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a too

Stupidity is not a crime... So you're free to go!