A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands. Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. No Problems , He sleeps at night.

Q. The Bay of Bengal is in which state? A. Liquid Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that. Q. What looks like half of an apple ? A. The other half. Q. What happened when the wheel was invented? A. It caused a revolution.

A man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. He was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked, "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "Then where the hell were you when I got married?"

Are you a technical geek? Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes. You know you are a technical geek when . . . When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?" "To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

THE NBA PLAYER ADOPTION PROGRAM NEEDS YOU! With an NBA player's strike against the team owners looming, now is the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It's just not right. Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level! Atrocious! And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks - possibly a whole year - as a result of the strike. But now you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day - that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV - you can help a basketball player remain economically viable during his time of need. Two thousand dollars a day may not seem li

Teacher: Joey, your behavior is terrible! How many more times am I going to have to keep you in after school? Joey: 97. Teacher: 97? Joey: Yeah. That's how many days are left until the summer holidays.

What goes 99-clump, 99-clump, 99-clump? A centipede with a wooden leg.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Swen. Swen who? Swen are you going let me in!?

TEACHER: Why are you late? L-JOHNY: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? L-JOHNY: "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? L-JOHNY: Yesterday you only said it's H to O!!!! TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" L-JOHNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."