My friend's mom is so fat I was upstairs and when she fell I ran down screaming, "EARTHQUAKE!"

What's the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow BALLS! (Ding dong kind)

Yo momma so stupid she went to commit suicide and tried to jump out her basement window.

yo momma so fat she has her own area code.

Here are some more for you... Yo momma's so stupid she failed a survey. Yo momma's so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building and she got lost on the way down. Yo momma's so stupid I saw her jumping up and down, and she said she forgot to shake the medicine before she took it. Yo momma's so stupid she tried to drown a fish. Yo momma's so stupid she got hit by a cup and told the police she was mugged. That's all.

What do you get when you mix cigarettes in hot water? A soggy butt.

1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back? 2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too. 3.Let me smell that shirt-don't worry, its good for another week. 4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed him and walk him every day. 5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse. 6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would be totally cheaper. 7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here. 8.Don't clean your room often; It makes the rest of the house look bad. 9.Can I borrow your new speed-metal CDs? 10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure out what to do.

Why are there so few amusement parks in Japan? Because they aren't tall enough to ride them!

A man and his doctor are discussing a surgery the man will soon undergo. The doctor asks if there are any last questions. "Doctor, will I be able to play my violin after this surgery?" "Of course! Why would you think you couldn't?" "I couldn't play it before."

Knock knock. Who's there? Sue. Sue who? I'll sue you if ya don't let me in!

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do. Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe." Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better." Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..." The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid. Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmac