A man phoned up an exclusive escort agency and asked for a woman. "No problem," said the receptionist. "There's just one thing," said the man,"she has to be 6' 6" tall and weigh 48lbs." "Mmm,let me see --yes we can do that for you, but it will be expensive," said the receptionist. "That's o.k," said the man. "When do you want her?". "Tomorrow night at 7pm," said the man. The next night the doorbell rings and a painfully thin 6' 6" black woman is standing on his doorstep. "Come in, take off all your clothes and go down on all fours," said the man. She complies with his request. He opens the kitchen door and a scrawny black labrador emerges. The woman thinks, "Oh shit, what have I l

Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT!?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die - I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own." Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a ni

How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to turn it the other to grade the person.

Q: Why do blondes drive VWs ? A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE

After class ends a 1st grader goes up to his teacher and says, "I don't mean to scare you Teacher but my parents said that if I keep getting bad grades, then..." "Somebody's gonna get a spanking." (nodnod)

One weekend, a couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow! Please move your car to the even numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!" So the wife goes out and moves her car. The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow! Please move your car to the odd numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!" So the wife goes out and moves her car. The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow! Please move your car to the-" And sudde

yo momma so skinny she can hula-hoop with a cheerio.

You know your day is bad if your twin sister forgot your birthday.

Yo momma so dumb that when we told her it was a serial killer on the loose she went and locked all the boxes of cereal up in the cabinet.

How do you know if you're a redneck? If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.

Yo momma so fat she went on a sea food diet - she see food and eat it.

knock-knock. who's there? yo mama. yo mama who? this is yo mama stop playing.