How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the "Whopper"!!!

Angie and John were in court after deciding their divorce when the problem of 'who gets to keep the kid' started to arise. Angie exclaimed that the child was hers since she could take care of the kid better than her 'wretched' husband. But the judge wanted to hear John's reason of why he should keep the baby. After thinking for sometime, John said, "Your honor, let me ask you a question: if you put a dollar inside a vending machine and a coke comes out, does this coke belong to you or does it belong to the vending machine?"

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Mr Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

A blonde and her friend were tracing their names from stencils to cut out. When they ran out of room, the blonde turned the paper over and said,"Hey, there's lots more room on this side!"

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? A headbanger.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Yo momma is ugly, And she looks just like you.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Richard M. Nixon: I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken

A boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, "What is your name young man?" The boy replied," Michael Gay." The teacher said," Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?" The boy said, "Michael Gay!" The teacher said," That's ENOUGH young man. Go to the principal's office. THIS SECOND!" The principal saw him and asked him," What is your name young man?" The boy says, " Michael Gay." The principal asks," Why are you calling a gay?" And what is your name?" The boy gets angry and says, "Michael Gay!" The principal says, "Thats it young man, you're suspended! The boy got home and his mother asked," Why are you in trouble?" The boy says, "Michael Gay." The moth

Man: Haven't we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn't have been. I don't make the same mistake twice.

BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class. JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn? BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!

What's the difference between MJ and Mr. Potato Head? MJ has more noses. How are MJ and a Wal-Mart bag alike? They're both plastic and hazardous to children.

A boy was playing internet games on Yahoo. Finding it hilarious, he had named himself "emilycheesehotchick". One time, while playing pool, his opponent messaged to him "Want to have cyber sex...?" Curiousity took over him, and so he replied "Sure!". Thus followed a hot and mostly one-sided cyber sex, when all of a sudden, his mother came into the room. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" asked his mother. "I...I....I'm having cybersex with someone on Yahoo..." he replied. The mother paused...and then asked, "Are you emilycheesehotchick...?"