Child: Mommy, why am I so skinny? Mommy: Don't worry about it, dear. When your father was born, he only weighed four pounds. Child: Really? Did he live?

My uncle is very superstitious. He won't work any week that has a Friday in it.

yo momma so fat she played pool with the planets!

One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument. After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong." Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first. Sarah replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I am wrong." In response, Harry shouts happily, "You're right!"

Once upon a time, there was a small family, with a little boy named Harry. They had just moved into a new home. It was tall, creaky, and just the place you would expect to be haunted. But, Harry did not believe in ghosts, or mummies, or witches or any of that stuff. One day, his parents had to go to the store. They said,"Harry, if you need anything, just call us, or your neighbors." He replied,"I'll be fine." So they left, and Harry was alone. He went to his room, and started to read a book. But, he was interrupted by a little *raprap*. He went downstairs to see if someone was knocking on the door. There was no one there. He heard it again! *raprap* He went back to his room. He heard it a

Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister Barney hadn't chopped my brother into two sections! Other Earth Worm: Why? Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.

Melvin checked out a book from the library because the title read "How to Hug". It turned out to be volume 7 of the encyclopedia.

Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you? Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself? Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Lawyer: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life? Witness: Not yet. Lawyer: A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

You're pretty... pretty ugly! You finally figured out how to screw in that lightbulb, but the power went out. You're smart... smart as a fencepost!

yo momma is so poor everytime someone rings the doorbell the toilet flushes

You're so stupid you thought "harass" was two words!