A minister delivered a sermon in 10 minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning." After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, "Reverend, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to give one to my minister."

It was the first day of school for little Jimmy. The teacher asked him, "What's 1+1?" Jimmy replied, "3". The teacher said, "You go back home and ask your family what the answer is." So, little Jimmy goes back home. He asks his father, who was having a conversation with his friend, "Daddy, what's 1+1?" The father replied impatiently, "Shut up!" So, little Jimmy asks his mother, "Mommy, what's 1+1?" His mother, who was watching a show about George Bush on TV, carelessly responded, "George Bush." Then Jimmy goes to his sister, "What's 1+1?" The sister was having a hot bath and she replied, "Oooohhhh, aahhhh". Finally, Jimmy sees his brother, "What's 1+1?" he asked. Jimmy's brother was just

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean, can I take this train to Kuala Lumpur? Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Oh, what a shame. It looks like the Ugly Fairy kissed you on both cheeks.

What's the hardest part of skydiving? The ground!

What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a shark? Far far away!

1.) That in school, getting a zero for a grade seems better than getting a 20 or a 30. 2.) That when you are hungry, you look in the refrigerator constantly, even though you know there's nothing to eat in there. 3.) That ketchup has TONS of sugar? What's up with that? 4.) That when you vacuum and there's a piece of lint or something on the floor that's too big to suck up with the vacuum cleaner, instead of picking it up, you just sit there rolling the vacuum over and over it hoping it will suck it up?? 5.) That when you think of something funny and someone else says,"What's so funny?" You say,"It's a long story" when really it isn't?

A Mexican and an Iraqi terrorist are in a car. Who's driving? Answer: The police.

Analogy of sex: Insert the 'quarter' into the 'vending machine' and then the 'gumball' comes out.

The forgien exchanged students Jose, Doron, and Krono didn't know any English. So their teacher asked them to go find some words. Jose goes to the airport and sees a plane. "Waz dat?" he asks. "That's a plane taking off," the pilot said. "Take off!" he says. Doron goes to the zoo and sees a zebra. "Waz dat?" he asks. "That's a zebra," a lady tells him. "Ze'bra!" he says. Krono goes to the hospital and sees a new baby. "Waz dat?" he asks. "That's my baby," the mother said. "Be'be!" he says. The next day in class, they say all the words together. "Take off ze bra bebe!!"

"What's wrong with you?" you asked a very dumb guy that was taking your order at the newest resturant in town. "The doctor doesn't know yet, hehe (snort)."