Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.

Melvin checked out a book from the library because the title read "How to Hug". It turned out to be volume 7 of the encyclopedia.

Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you? Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself? Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Lawyer: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life? Witness: Not yet. Lawyer: A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

You're pretty... pretty ugly! You finally figured out how to screw in that lightbulb, but the power went out. You're smart... smart as a fencepost!

yo momma is so poor everytime someone rings the doorbell the toilet flushes

You're so stupid you thought "harass" was two words!

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

If my dog's face looked like your face, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie. Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie who? Ike Anne Wyatt Tillie (I can't wait till) it's three o' clock!

What is it called when an insect kills themself? Pesticide!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dewey. Dewey Who? Dewey(Do we) have to listen to all this knocking?

Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin town and thought I'd say hello.