If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late? The letters 'UVWXYZ' because they all come after 'T'.

What do you call an alien with no ears? Anything you like, he can't hear you.

What do you call a horse that escaped from jail? A Zebra.

What is a cat's favourite exercise? Puss-Ups!

What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly? A Bearacuda.

Why do psychics ask so many questions when they supposedly already know the answers?

Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don't have any film.

All believers in telekinesis raise my hand!

I couldn't fix your brakes, so instead I made your horn louder.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator when a good-looking man enters. They notice that, though he is very handsome, he has very bad dandruff. He gets off at his floor, and when the doors close, the brunette looks at the blond and says, "Someone needs to give him some Head and Shoulders". The blonde replies, "How do you give someone shoulders?"

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M