Did you fall out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down?

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning?

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Yo Momma stinks so bad she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard!

Mom: Why did you get a grade so low? Junior: Because of absence. Mom: Who, You? Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.

Teacher: Larry, name two pronouns. Larry: Who, Me? Teacher: That answer is correct.

Why is Mississippi River unusual? Because it has four eyes and can't see!

Where did they sign the Declaration of Independence? At the bottom.

Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.

Teacher: Name an animal that lives in the tundra. Pupil:A reindeer. Teacher: Good, now name another one. Pupil: Another reindeer.

"Teacher, I can't do this problem!" "Any five year old can do that problem." "Damn! No wonder I can't do it! I'm almost ten!"

Atlas is the biggest thief in history, because he held up the whole world.