A teacher in California asked her class, "How many of you are Republicans?" Everyone in the class raised their hands except for one girl. "Mary," the teacher inquired, "Why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Republican," she replied. "I'm a Democrat." The teacher asked her, "Why are you a Democrat?" And Mary said, "Well, my mother and my father are both Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too." "Well," said the teacher in an annoyed tone, "That's no reason why you have to be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your parents were both criminals?" "Then," Mary said, "We'd be Republicans."

George Bush senior and junior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too. "Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, "but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way, then the antlers won't drag on the ground." After the other hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later, George junior said to George senior, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," said George senior, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

Did you fall out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down?

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning?

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Yo Momma stinks so bad she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard!

Mom: Why did you get a grade so low? Junior: Because of absence. Mom: Who, You? Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.

Teacher: Larry, name two pronouns. Larry: Who, Me? Teacher: That answer is correct.

Why is Mississippi River unusual? Because it has four eyes and can't see!

Where did they sign the Declaration of Independence? At the bottom.

Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.

Teacher: Name an animal that lives in the tundra. Pupil:A reindeer. Teacher: Good, now name another one. Pupil: Another reindeer.