What does a cow do for entertainment? Listen to moo-sic.

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfas

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old"? Well, here is some karma for that. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was WAY too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School. "Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine." he gleame

Yo mamma is such a redneck, when I look at her family tree, it goes straight up.

What do you call a flying skunk? A smell-icopter

Yo momma is so fat, she sat on a gamecube and made it into a gameboy advance.

Yo mamma is so fat, she sat down in Wal-mart and lowered the prices.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vador? An elevator

You know your a redneck when there are 15 cars in your driveway, and the only one that moves is your house.

Yo momma is so poor, I asked her what was for dinner and she put her foot on the table and said "CORN!"

Yo momma is so fat when she sees a school bus go by, she says "STOP THAT TWINKY!!"

You know you're a redneck when you go to a family reunion to find a girlfriend.