A lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost. "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down." The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy. The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack.

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty. Would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like t

There were four blondes sitting on the bank of a river, each with a fishing pole intently concentrating on the task at hand. A Game Warden drove by and saw the four women fishing and decided to check for the proper fishing licenses and equipment. He approached the women and told them he needed to check for their fishing licenses and to his surprise, they all replied they did not have one. However, before the Warden could speak, one of the women spoke up and said, "Mr. Warden, sir, we are not fishing for you normal catch. We are environmentalist ridding the waters of garbage and other debris." "We are not fishing for fish." said one of the others. "We have poles, yes," another woman

Two women came before King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry my daughter!" said the other. And so, they haggled before the king until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," he said, "and I shall cut the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first woman. But the other woman said, "Oh sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man shall marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to cut him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Ind

Librarian: "Please be quiet. The people next to you can't read." Boy: "What a shame! I've been reading since I was six."

A woman, who had just been married to a gambling man, had learned upon marrying him that he always came home well after midnight. She didn't like this one bit, and no amount of reasoning with him would make him miss a night out with the guys, so every night for a week she would stay up till he came home, and when she heard him enter the house she would call out: "Is that you, Ben?" She did this for a week, and then he started coming home promptly at 7:00 every night. Why, you might ask? His name was Jacob.

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice... "I don't fink my pet pyfon weally gives a thit."

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day, when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!" says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing foo

One day little Billy was walking past his mother's room when he heard strange noises. He opened thecracked the door, and looked in. He saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A couple of days later as he walked past her room he heard the noises again so he looked into her room and saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A few days later as he walked past her room he heard some more strange noises coming from her room, so he looked in again. This time he saw his mother laying naked on the bed with a naked man laying on top of her. So he ran to his r

Molly wrote a letter to Santa Claus one day. Dear Santa, Please give me a Workout Barbie and a new milkman because he is sleeping with Mommy. Love, Molly

Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel where I'd be staying to see if they had a gym. The hotel receptionist's sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it when she answered. "We have over 300 guests at at this facility" she said.   "Does this 'Jim' have a last name?"