What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas song? Jungle Bells!

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

Five days before Christmas, Santa was having a horrible day. And by horrible, I mean his wife was sick with the flu, 23 elfs called in sick, and nothing was getting done, so they were really behind schedule. *Knock-Knock,* Santa heard, so he went to go open the door. There was an Angel carrying a christmas tree. "Where would you like me to put this?" asked the angel. And that is why the Angel is put on top of the Christmas tree.

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: One, but 500 children to hold the ladder!

Why did the elephant call the locksmith? Because he lost his keys in his trunk!

How do turtles talk to each other? Shellphones!

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say Cheese!

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!

What did the cop say to the bad popcicle? Freeze!

Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!

Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads: Suits $5.00 each Shirts $2.00 each Trousers $2.50 per pair Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune." "Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price - but I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl." They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each. The owner of the shop says "Yo