The Russians were called "Reds," a long while ago. So a war general named Rudolf walks into a bakery. The baker starts talking about owning a reindeer. He starts asking questions about it to the general. When the baker gets home, he tells his wife, "Rudolf the Red knows reindeer!"

Why did the teacher have to put on her glasses during class? Because the kids were to bright!

Why don't crabs share? Because there shelfish!

What is the name of the baseball player who sits under a tree? Babe Root!

A friend of mine spent two hours in the salon getting her hair colored, cut, and blow dried. After all that, was it too much to ask to be treated like Cinderella at the ball? Yet when she went to the desk to pay, the receptionist said to her, "Hello, madam, who is your appointment with today?"

How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You'll never know because when you turn on the light, they scatter!

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Sara. Sara who? Sara doctor in the house?!

There are four elephants in a Volkswagon. How do you know when one went into your refrigerator? Answer: There is a set of footprints in the butter! How do you know when there were two elephants in the fridge? Answer: There are two sets of footprints in the butter! How do you know when there were three elephants in your fridge? Answer: you have three sets of footprints in the butter! How do you know when four elephants were in your fridge? Answer: You have an empty Volkswagon!

A man walked into a bar... and it hurt!

Two blondes were going on a hike, and came to a fork in the road. A sign was in the center that said "Bear left." One of the blondes said,"I'm happy that was taken care of, now we finally are able to take the upper trail," so they proceeded left.

A College football team was on a winning streak, until they found out that their star QB was failing English. The QB couldn't play until he brought his grade up to a C. The other players on the team were desperate for him to play in the championship, so they asked his English professor for extra credit. He agreed and called in the QB. The professor said: "I will give you a simple spelling test and if you pass, I will raise your grade. In fact if you get one word right, I will raise the grade." So the QB takes the test and gets every single word wrong. He begged the professor for one more chance. The professor agreed and told him that if he could get one letter in the word that was given to h

Why is Michael Jackson dating twenty-eight year olds? The answer is: Because there's twenty of them! (twenty eight year olds....)