Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!" The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

Three ants went to the beach to swim. Two jumped directly in the water. The other went back home and after an hour returned. Why? She forgot her swimming suit!!

"Danny," asked Mrs Waters, "What's usually used as a conductor of electricity?" "Why- er..." "Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?" "The what??" That's absolutely right. The watt."

A guy walks into a strip club and sees a really pretty girl right in front of him. He goes up to her and asks, "Hey, Honey, want to come home with me?" She says yes. They go back to his house that night and they have sex. Throughout this whole time he hasn't been able to see her properly. When she rolls into the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of her. "What, the...! What are you doing here?" He had just realised that he was in bed wth his mother-in-law!

A white man, a Cuban, and a Mexican, are all sitting at a bar when the Mexican throws a taco out the window. The white man asks, "Why'd you throw that taco out?" The Mexican replies, "Where I come from we have a lot of those." Next the Cuban throws some weed out the window. The Mexican asks, "Why'd you throw that weed out?" The Cuban replies, "Where I come from we have a lot of that..." Suddenly the white man throws the Mexican out the window. The Cuban, shocked, asks, "Why'd you throw him out the window?!" The white man answers, "Well..where I come from we have A LOT of those."

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup to ya later!

How many cats does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Cats can't hold a light bulb

Yo momma's so fat that a car hit her and she turned around and said "Hey! Who threw that rock!"

Knock Knock. Who's there? To. To who? To you.

How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot!

On the appointed day, St. Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt, and said: "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were carved of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?" Mary thought for a moment, pursing her lips. She said: "I always wanted a girl."

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.