What do you call frozen blonds? Frosted Flakes!

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman stranded on an island. They see a cave up ahead. The Englishman goes in and sees some toast on a rock. He goes over to it but then a voice comes. "Dont eat the toast," the voice shouts. The Englishman runs out. The Scotsman walks in and sees the toast as well, the voice comes back. "Don't eat the toast." The Scotsman thinks it's his imagination but then he hears it again, "Don't eat the toast," says the voice,the Scotsman runs out. The Irishman wondering what's going on, goes inside. He hears the voice once, thinks nothing of it. He hears the voice again, still he ignores it. He picks up the toast and eats it. The voice shouts, "I war

Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise" Lazarus: "The Second Time Around" Esther: "I Feel Pretty" Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues" Moses: "The Wanderer" Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp" Samson: "Hair" Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night" Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" Esau: "Born To Be Wild" Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!" The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star" Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale" Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away" Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive" Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, "Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17." On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, "Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand." Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the preacher said, "You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark has only 16 chapters."

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them!"

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know."

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children: There is no such thing as childproofing your house. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room. Baseballs make marks on ceilings. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit. You should not thro

A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Yo momma so dumb she thought a quarterback was a refund!