Q:What did the blonde's right leg say to her left leg? A:Nothing, they haven't met yet.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

A policeman pulled a blonde over because she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.

Yo momma cooks so bad, your family prays after they eat!

There were three midgets. Each one wanted to win a world record. The first midget went in to the place for world records and said I want to see if I have the worlds smallest hands. He came happy and said i got the record. So the second one goes in and says I want to see if I can get the record for the worlds smallest feet. He came out all happy and said i got the record. Then the last one goes in and said I want to see if I have the worlds smallest penis. He came out all sad and said, "Who the in the hell Michael Jackson?!"

Yo Momma so hairy . . . . . she has to have a hair trapper in her kitchen sink.

Yo momma is so fat I had to take five trains, eight cars, and twelve airplanes just to get around her!

Blondes are like pool tables - every time you put a dollar in, she'll rack your balls.

1. Say "Darn, officer you must have been going fast to catch up with me." 2. When he approaches you, look at his gut and say, "Hmmm, I thought officers were supposed to be physically fit." 3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting. 4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk. 5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to go fetch it. 6. Ask if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza. 7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but I decided to graduate high school. 8. When he asks you to walk the line "Riverdance" instead. 9. Instead of pleading with the 5th amendment, plead with the 13th or 16th. 10. When he asks for

The slick defense lawyer was drilling the star witness, in an attempt to ruffle the mans feathers, and secure his own case. He began egging him on. "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background" the lawyer sneered. The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project. Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with turpentine. Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint fr

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."