A teacher asked her children just before they were about to leave class for Mass, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Mass?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked, "What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?" The girl replied, "Chocolate fillings."

Two muffins were sitting next to each other, in an oven, as they were being cooked. One muffin turned to the other muffin, and said, "Man, it's hot in here." Then the other muffin turned to the first muffin and screamed, "AHHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

This is a true story that happened in a South African hospital. There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even think it has something to do with the supernatural. One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it always happens on the Friday mornings. They want to take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Right at the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!

CO-PILOT: Commander! We are being attacked! COMMANDER: Report your height and status! CO-PILLOT: I'm 5'11 and sittin' in the cockpit.

One to his friend: "My little brother started walking last week!" The other friend: "Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!"

A dad to his son: If someone calls for me, tell him that I'm out. The son: And if he doesn't call?

A teacher asked his student: Give me an example of 6 animals. The student: 3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !

Suddenly the electricity went off in the house of a blonde. So, she wanted to light a match. After being tired of looking for the match, she blew out the candle and went to sleep.

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?" "Flat on his butt over by the holy water!" the boy informed him.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Einstein dies and goes to heaven, only to be informed, that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do, and you will have to share the room with others." he is told by the doorman. Einstein says, "This is no problem at all, and there is no need to make such a great fuss." So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter, and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, here is your first roommate. He has an IQ of 180!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second roommate. His IQ is 150!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And h