Keep this in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor! In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of our students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say.. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled . . . "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuri

John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now? John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top of the line. Mary: What kind is it? John: Twelve-thirty.

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up

You're so stupid, that you called my house and asked for my number!

Jacob, a three year old boy, is excited about the birth of his little sister, Olivia. One morning, Jacob's mom is giving Olivia a bath, when Jacob asks "Mom, where's her pp?" The mom explains that boys have pp's and girls don't. Just to make sure he understands, she brings out a magazine, and points to a girl and said "What does she have?" and he responds "No pp." She tells him good job and points to a man and he responds "pp." Then she points to George W. Bush and asks "Whats this?" he responds "tough call"

One day I asked my grandfather how to ice fish. He said all you need is a can of peas and a club. "Huh?", I said. "How does that work?" "Well," he said, "After you cut the hole in the ice you just place the peas around the edge of the hole! Then you wait by the hole with your club." "What does that do?" I asked. "Well," he said with a grin. "When the fish come up to take a pee, you hit him over the head with the club!"

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter." The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in. The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too." But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

For all of us who miss those great old tunes from the 60s and 70s, there's good news! Some of our old favorites have re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate maturing audiences. Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash" Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker" The Beatles - "I Get by with a Little Help from Depends" Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" The Temptations - "Papa's Got a Kidney Stone" Nancy Sinatra - "These Boots Aren't Made for Bunions" Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" ABBA - "Denture Queen" Leo Sayer

HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? A: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb. HOW MANY EPISCOPALIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? A: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better. HOW MANY UNITARIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance a

What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.