Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Who eats cereal and plays golf? Tony the Tiger Woods.

Why is it hard for dalmatians to play hide-and-seek? Because they're always spotted!

What do you get when you aim a nuclear weapon at a disobedient country? South Korean Barbecue.

What do you call a holy man that fries potatoes? A chipmonk

A farmer walks down to the Farm and Ranch Store to buy a bucket. When he gets there, they have some chickens and geese for sale, cheap. Well, the fellow picks a goose and two chickens, and gets a bag of feed. He thinks for a minute and says, "Hey, how am I gonna carry all this home?" The store manager says, "Well, put the feed in the bottom of the bucket, the goose on top, and carry a chicken under each arm." The farmer gives it a try, and he starts home. A couple of blocks down the street, he runs into old Widow Smith, who's a little disoriented. She says, "I don't remember which way my house is." The farmer says, "Come on Miz Smith; you don't live far. Let's take this shortcut through

A man is out playing golf one day when he whacks the ball harder then usual. It goes soaring in the air, and the golfer yells, "FORE!" He runs over to find his ball, and he sees a guy holding his head in pain. The man is shouting "I will sue you, and I will win 1 thousand dollars!" The golfer replies "But I yelled 'fore,' so you can't sue me." The man replies: "Four, thats better than just one! I'll take it!"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. "No," he said, "the steaks are too high."

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.