A blonde has just inherited a Ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help. He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other. She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back. So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck. She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor. So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses. She does and comes back a week later with cookies. She tells the neighbor rancher, "Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly.

How do you keep a Rhino from charging? Take away its credit card.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one-they don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.

PARATROOPER A young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. "Dad" he says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black sergeant standing behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass." "Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at first" answered the boy.

What do you call a short psychic on the lam? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small medium at large!

How do you praise a computer? Say "Data Boy"!

Three men, two brunettes and a blond, are being chased by a tiger through the jungle. They get to a river and have two choices: 1. Get across the river without being eaten by pirannhas or 2. Get eaten by the tiger. They spot a genie and the genie says I can grant you one wish.. The first blond man thinks "I wish I can get across safely." He swims across and makes it without a scratch. The second blond man says "I want to be even smarter than the first man." He climbed onto a raft and paddled across. The brunette thinks "I want to be the smartest of them all". Instantly, he turned into a woman, and she walked across a nearby bridge.

One day, a cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says,"You've been a good cat all of your life, anything you want is yours." The cat says"Well, I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wood floor." Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. The cat hops onto it and falls asleep. A week later, five mice die and go to heaven as well. God meets them at the gate and makes them the same offer. They reply "All of our life, we've been chased by cats, dogs, and women with brooms. If only we didn't have to run anymore...." They are each fitted with a custom pair of roller skates. A month later, God decides to check up on the cat. He asks "How are you doing? Are you happy

A doctor who works at the mental hospital wants to take his patients out to a baseball game seeing as they're so well behaved. He goes to his colleagues and asks them if it's ok. They don't want to let him take them in case they misbehave or do something wrong seeing as they're complete nutcases. But the doctor wants to show them that the patients are really good. So he brings them in and says, "Sit Nuts." And all the patients sit. He then says, "Stand Nuts." And all the patients stand. He then says "Talk Nuts." And they all start chatting. The other doctors are impressed and agree its ok. So they go to the stadium and the doctor leaves to go get snacks. When he comes back out everyone i

A man goes into a shoe store and asks to try on a pair of shoes. They were a bit snug. "Well, they feel a bit tight," says the man. The salesman bends down and feels around. He suggests pulling the tongue out, then asks, "How do they feel now?" "Well, dey shtill feel a bit thight"