Have you heard about the blonde that started writing a diary of all her thoughts? Yes, after 3 years she is on the second page now.

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license." Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

James came to school late. TEACHER: James, why are you late? JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate. TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that? JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles ... begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Sex is like air. It's not important... unless you aren't getting any.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again... It was probably worth it.

Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife. In a few minutes, he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he

Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.