Top Jokes
Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine, into your brain,
and that's where you get shitty ideas from.
A Pakistani guy named Abdul was ringing in flour at his grocery store, and the bag broke, covering him with flour. Abdul rushes home to take a shower. He enters his house and his wife says to him, "Abdul, you're white, what happened to you?"
Abdul says "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He runs upstairs and he runs into his son. His son says "Daddy, you're a white man, what happened?" Abdul said "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He proceeds towards the bathroom when he is stopped by his daughter. His daughter said "Daddy, you're all white, what happened?" He screams "I've only been white for half an hour, and already I hate you damn pakies!"
Johnny was walking down the street pulling his wagon when he stubbed his toe. He was swearing like crazy when a priest comes up to him and says "Johnny, I wouldn't say such things, God is everywhere."
Intrigued by the priest's comment, he questions the priest. "Is God over there?" he says pointing to a tree. "Yes Johnny, God is over there by that tree!" says the priest.
"Is god right here?" Johnny said pointing right beside him. "Yes Johnny God is right beside you." says the priest.
"Is God in my red wagon?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your red wagon." says the priest.
"Is god in my basement?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your basement." says the priest.
Johnny screa
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A . Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan! But don't worry; the remaining d
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you a
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
Bin Laden is sitting with his son and they are watching the Twin Towers collapse.
His son asks him, "Dad, which film is this?" to which he replied, "Son, this isn't a film, this is a series."
Why does a blonde keep lowering her head in the supermarket?
She is looking for low prices.
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