Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby's. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No sir," Ear

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." Now God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopp

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Who eats cereal and plays golf? Tony the Tiger Woods.

Why is it hard for dalmatians to play hide-and-seek? Because they're always spotted!

What do you get when you aim a nuclear weapon at a disobedient country? South Korean Barbecue.

What do you call a holy man that fries potatoes? A chipmonk

A farmer walks down to the Farm and Ranch Store to buy a bucket. When he gets there, they have some chickens and geese for sale, cheap. Well, the fellow picks a goose and two chickens, and gets a bag of feed. He thinks for a minute and says, "Hey, how am I gonna carry all this home?" The store manager says, "Well, put the feed in the bottom of the bucket, the goose on top, and carry a chicken under each arm." The farmer gives it a try, and he starts home. A couple of blocks down the street, he runs into old Widow Smith, who's a little disoriented. She says, "I don't remember which way my house is." The farmer says, "Come on Miz Smith; you don't live far. Let's take this shortcut through

A man is out playing golf one day when he whacks the ball harder then usual. It goes soaring in the air, and the golfer yells, "FORE!" He runs over to find his ball, and he sees a guy holding his head in pain. The man is shouting "I will sue you, and I will win 1 thousand dollars!" The golfer replies "But I yelled 'fore,' so you can't sue me." The man replies: "Four, thats better than just one! I'll take it!"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."