Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. "A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. "We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother, and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. "This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. "But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. T

An American dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the Chinese hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the American hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What d

One day, after I took my dog to the vet, I stopped off at the grocery store to pick up some milk. So I left my dog in the car with the window rolled down so she could breathe. Because my dog is small, she could fit through the window of the car, but she is well trained enough to follow my commands. So I told her, "Stay. Stay there, don't move. Staaay." A man loading his car with groceries next to me said, "You know, usually, I just put it in park!"

Practice safe eating ...Always use condiments.

What do you call it when you hear Vrrrrm.ERT.Vrmmm.Ert? Answer: A Blond at A Blinking Red Light.

I heard you got a baby. Dad: Yes, and I am very happy. So what about the wife? Dad: She still doesn't know.

Beauty is only a light switch away

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together, and have the time of our lives!

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED!

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has, tires, or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.