Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again... It was probably worth it.

Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife. In a few minutes, he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he

Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... then things get worse.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

Four girls were playing a game of tag. All of them had really long names that were hard to say, so one person thought of the idea of giving themselves nicknames. One suggested thinking of funny names, so the really tall girl was named 'Shorty'. The really thin girl was named 'fatty'. The next girl was very 'girlish', so they named her 'tomboy'. The last girl was the hardest to pick a name for, because she was not tall or short, fat or thin, a girly girl or a tomboy. Finally it came to them. Now there is Shorty, Fatty, Tomboy, and Smarty.