Top Jokes
Why does a blond stand next to a mirror with her hands on her eyes?
She wants to see how she looks like when she is sleeping.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a tortoise?
A: The blond is better on her back than the tortoise.
A man is passing a blonde and he says, "Where are those legs going?" and the blonde answers, "They are going home for now unless something comes between them."
3 blondes caught a goldfish, and the fish said if they let her go she will grant them one wish each. The first blonde said: "I want to be smart." The second said: "I want to be smarter than her," and the third said: "I want to be the smartest."
In the morning they woke up and the first blonde turned into a brunette, second black and the third one had become a man.
Have you heard about the blonde that started writing a diary of all her thoughts?
Yes, after 3 years she is on the second page now.
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
James came to school late.
TEACHER: James, why are you late?
JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate.
TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that?
JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again...
It was probably worth it.
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