Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Q:How many Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 3! 1 to actually screw in the lightbulb, the other 2 need to be there so he can brag about the screwing part!

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace........ The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before leaving the house this morning I finished off bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin good I feel....

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. -Heard in a neuropsychology classroom