Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!" -------------------- On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today?" The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing". Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?" The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung." I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

There was a man, let's call him Gregory. Gregory was carrying a small box, and he went to another man's house (we'll call him Jebediah) and knocked on the door. When Jebediah answered, Gregory said "I have a proposition for you. Take this box. There is a button inside. If you press the button before I return, someone that you don't know will die. Tomorrow, I will return. If you have pressed the button, I will give you $20,000." Gregory left the box with Jebediah. Jebediah had to consider what he was going to do. Eventually he decided that he didn't care about the person, and he pressed the button. The next day, Gregory returned to take back the box. "Well then, I belive that this is yours,

An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "