Top Jokes

Some People Say...

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I Saw a Woman...

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

I Don't Do Drugs.

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

Sign

Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

I Live...

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

I Got a Sweater...

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If Flying Is...

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I Don't Approve...

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.