When White man found this land, Indians were running it. No Taxes... No Debt... Plenty Buffalo... Plenty beaver! Women did most (all) of the work. Medicine Man free! Indian men hunted and fished all the time! Only White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die..... 1. To be shot 2. To be hung 3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly. The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead. Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheek

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Minnesota quarters. We are recalling all of the new Minnesota quarters that were recently issued, Treasury Undersecretary said in a press conference Monday. This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw. The winning design for the Minnesota quarter was submitted by Sven Petersen of New Ulm, Minnesota. Sven commented, "Apparently, da duct tape holding da two dimes ana nickel togedder keeps yamming da coin-slot."

BLONDE woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.

There were two blondes who went deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

1 When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. 2 Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky. 3 Never trade luck for skill. 4 The three most common expressions (or, famous last words) in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?"; "Where are we?" and "Ooh Shit!" 5 Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 6 Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant. 7 Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight. 8 A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevaricat

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked closer, he realized that they were all stark naked. He went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies laying in the sun on the front lawn. The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo. The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried. The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked. "Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile. "Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his

What is a cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a dog? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They

Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over. "That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?" "Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."