Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy. Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back! Arranged Marriage is like Unix..boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust. Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive........ yet one never knows when it will crash........

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. Skinny people say things like "You know sometimes I forget to eat!" Now,I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids but didn't care. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigoro

A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner told them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl said, "I'll go first." She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stopped dead i

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the Doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. "Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked, "What is the condition?" The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a mom

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of

Two good old boys, Bubba and Junior have been promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have a drink." "But we's privates," protests Junior. "We's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside. "Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But, we's privates," says Junior. "You blind, boy?" asks Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now." So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." Bubba pulls his f

Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner..... Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show.... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back

Mom was cleaning the house when she found her son's hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines. Naturally, she was very upset and she didn't know what to do. So, she waited until her husband got home to discuss it with him. After she showed him the magazines, she asked him, "Well, what are you going to do about it?" "I don't know what to do." he told her. "I really don't think I should give him a spanking for this!"

It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria," and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard." "Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor. "You should take them on tour," said the visitor. "What are they called?" "Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. "They are the 'Moron Tapanapple Choir'."