Did you hear about the football game with the 0-0 score? Never mind, it's pointless.

With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society. Here are a few of the new ones: DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyl

Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women." The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing." "Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?" "No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that silly grin off your face."

This man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder and the bar tender asks him, "What's your newt's name?" and the man replies, "Tiny" and the bar tender says, "Why is he called Tiny?" and the man replies, "Because he is minute." (minute means small)

Yo momma so fat that when she sits around the house, she dosen't just sit around the house, she sits around the whole neighborhood.

"Knock-Knock" "Who's there?" "Boo" "Boo who?" "Why are you crying?"

There were three babys - a blond, a redhead, and a brunet. They were fighting over who's mommy had the best bra. The first baby says "My mom has a foam bra." The second says "My mom has gel straps." The blond baby says "Well, the tag on my moms bra says double D." The blond won the fight.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head & stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits. "You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)... The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU".

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.