Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting our bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. At this point, several of the children giggle. "I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me." At hearing the pilot go on, the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' wa

Viagra now available in liquid form. FDA officials today announced the release of the wonder drug Viagra in a new, easy-to-take liquid form. It is sold under the name "Mydixadrill." Now when men come home from work in the evening, they can pour themselves a stiff one.

Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his house. "Sorry, that's against the law," says the desk sergeant. "You don't get it," says the man. "I need to know how he got in without waking my wife."

#1 rule of a redneck- If duck tape don't fix it (doubt it), mount it on the wall instead.

'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving, But I Just Couldn't Sleep I Tried Counting Backwards, I Tried Counting Sheep. The Leftovers Beckoned - The Dark Meat And White But I Fought The Temptation With All Of My Might Tossing And Turning With Anticipation The Thought Of A Snack Became Infatuation. So, I Raced To The Kitchen, Flung Open The Door And Gazed At The Fridge, Full Of Goodies Galore. I Gobbled Up Turkey And Buttered Potatoes, Pickles And Carrots, Beans And Tomatoes. I Felt Myself Swelling ! So Plump And So Round, 'til All Of A Sudden, I Rose Off The Ground. I Crashed Through The Ceiling, Floating Into The Sky With A Mouthful Of Pudding And A Handful Of Pie. But, I Manage

A guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey buddy, don't try to start anything..."

These two fleas are sitting in Florida. One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!" "How did you get here?" asks the other flea. "I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway." "That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."Here is what you do. Go to the airport and find a lounge. Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed. Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.G o inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep. The next thing you know,you are in Florida!! Remember that for next time.We will get together next year and you can t

A woman was missing her boyfriend, so she decided to write him the following brief letter: Dear Anthony, I've been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool... nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love, Kathy xoxo P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery...

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, called his wife by many endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice. After all these years, you still call your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell the truth, I forgot her name years ago."