antique-an item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

Jack told me you told him that I told you that he was ugly, and I told you not to tell him I told you that! It's his fault! I told him not to tell you I told him what you told me! Well, don't let it happen again--and don't tell him I told you he told me.

A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.

Silence is golden, because you never have to explain something you didn't say.

I'm such an insomniac, the sheep fall asleep before I do.

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks by the television set you miss three episodes.

I know the day I gave up exercise. You wanna know? Check my birth certificate.

Yo mamma so fat when she wears high heels 2 hours later they're flip flops.

Your Mom is so fat she rolled over a SuperNintendo and made 4 Game Boys.

Your mom is so fat her picture fell down.

Your Mom is so fat, she's the only one at the beach that gets a tan.

Yo Momma is so fat she had a dream of marshmallows, and when she woke up, her pillows were gone.