Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners: Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Intaxicat

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise'."

A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for seven years; and then they could only say two words. The first seven years passed and they went into a small room. His two words were "too cold". The next seven years passed and they took him back into the small room and his two words were "bad food". The next seven years passed they took him back into the small room and his two words were "I quit". "Good," they said, "all you have done is complain."

What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins, "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this..."

This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat." The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders an

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, the two priests went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare but when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning, Father; good morning, Father," nodding and addre

St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard so many good things about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been giving an entrance quiz for everyone. The tests are short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven." Forest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St Peter. I was looking forward to this. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was. St. Peter goes on, "I know, Forest, but the test has only three questions: 1)What days of the week begin with the letter T? 2)How many seconds are there in a yea

- When Cupid shoots his arrow, I hope he Mrs. you. -If I were a head of lettuce, I'd cut myself in two. I'd give a leaf to everyone, but save the heart for you. -Can't write, too dumb; inspiration won't come. Bad ink, no pen; that's all, amen. -My love for you will never fail...as long as a pig has a curly tail. -I eat my peas with honey. I've done it all my life. It makes my peas taste funny, but it keeps them on my knife. -My love for you shall always shine, like bedbugs dipped in turpentine. -Twinkle, twinkle, little star, powder puff and cold cream jar; Toni wave and lipstick too, will make a beauty out of you. -I hope you sit on the tack of success and rise rapidly.

How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

TOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED BY VIAGRA 10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!" 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper 8. Viagra, Like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman! 3. Viagra, Tastes great!......... More filling! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to life! And the number one slogan, being considered by Viagra: 1. This is your penis.........This is your penis on drugs.

The angry preacher... The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!" No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. H

The Tearful Bride... A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," you don't understand. "I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state