A blond and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blond asked the brunette what she was going to buy. The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?" The blond said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."

There was this woman who had a blonde daughter. One day, she got her ball stuck in the tree. "Mom, my ball's stuck in the tree. Can I go get it?" she asked. "No, the perverted boy will look up your skirt and see your underwear. Wait till daddy gets home." The little girl furiously stomped away. About an hour later, before her husband came home, the woman saw her daughter playing with her ball. "How did you get your ball?" "Well, you said that you didn't want the boy to see my underwear, so I took it off."

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey." The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness." Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please." While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname." Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"

A Chinese couple got married and were now known as Mr. Wong and Mrs. Wong. However, they didn't know why, but they couldn't have white children. So they went to the doctor to find out what the problem was, and they told him the story and the doctor replied, "Didn't you know?" "Two Wongs don't make a white!"

Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. On their way they talk: Cinderella: "I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world." Superman: "I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world." Pinocchio: "I want to be remembered as the greatest liar in the world." It's Cinderella's turn. She goes into the room and comes out smiling, saying, "It's done. I'm the most beautiful girl in the world!" Then goes Superman. He goes into the room and comes out happy, saying, "It's done. I'm the strongest person in the world!" Last comes out Pinocchio, angrily he says: "Damn! who's this Clinton guy?!?!"

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb??? None, they will just have there robot do it.

One day Bob (a boy) went to Sally (a beautiful girl). Bob told her, "Sal, Jack (a boy) wants you." She replied, "I know." They stand in silence for a while. Bob finally said, "I mean he needs your help." "Oh."

Girls are in the shower for at least an hour. Incredibly guys can take a shower in 5 minutes. Very beautiful girls are seldom intelligent. Even blond guys have some brains. Married women marry hoping their guy will change. Every man marries hoping their wife wont change. Pretty girls can usually get what they want. Unlike good looking guys who still have to suffer. Some girls are actually great relationship material. Some guys cant find those girls.

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says, "My favorite position is the 'rodeo' position." "What is the 'rodeo' position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man. The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and she's really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position too...' Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."

Remember, whenever someone says that you're nobody, remember nobody's perfect.

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine" GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is

What haunts the closets of a haunted house? The SOULS of shoes! What's a ghosts favourite dessert? I-scream! What was the ghosts favorite baseball team? The BOO Jays! What room is a ghost not allowed to go inside? The Living room Why didn't the vampire have fun on his vacation? He SUCKED all the fun out of it! If a snow man and a vampire got married and they had a baby what would the baby be? A Snowvam! Where do monsters love to visit in New York? The Vampire State Building. Why did the vampire's friend break up with him? Because he was a pain in the neck! Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy! What kind of street do zombies like best? Dead