Bread Is Dangerous 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as litt

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?" With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Billy asked his mother, "Can I go over to Little Johnny's house and watch the magic show?" Billy's mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?" He answered, "The one Johnny's mom performs. I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!"

DOCTORS WERE TOLD TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW HOSPITAL WING AT THE HOSPITAL. WHAT WAS THEIR REACTION? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstreticians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!"

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Little Johnny was giving confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

Did you hear that Hollywood is going to remake The Exorcist? The new movie is about a mother who hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son.

"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it." Said the lazily amorous abbot. "Although it's more fun, To have sex with a nun, It's so hard to get into the habit!"

During the church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs."

Q: What is black and white and green and black and white? A: Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle. Q: What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and down? A: A nun churning butter.

Q: What is black and white and gooey and creamy? A: A nun eating a bowl of Tapioca pudding. Q: What is black and white and makes a wet, sucking sound? A: A toothless, elderly nun eating a Communion wafer.