A visitor from Pakistan was strolling in a park in New Delhi, India, enjoying the greenery and flowers. He needed to empty his bladder badly, but couldn't find a urinal anywhere. He couldn't hold out any longer, and went behind a large bush. Just as he was undoing his fly buttons a policeman caught him. "What do you think you are doing?" asked the constable. "I want to pee," replied the visitor. "I am from Pakistan and I don't know where to go. Please help me out." The constable ordered, "OK, follow me. I'll show you a place with more greenery, flowers and bushes than this park. You can pee there as much as you like." He took the Pakistani to a greener and more beautiful garden where he

Love is in the Air An elderly French man was slowly walking down the countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple, naked, making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah ze young love ...ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers, c'est magnifique!!" and continued to watch remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu!! Ze woman - she is dead!" and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Albert, the police chief. He arrived, out of breath, to the police station and shouted, "Albert...Albert, zere is zis man zis woman ...naked in farmer Gaston's field, making love."

A man was sitting in a bar, nursing a beer and looking extremely dejected. The sympathetic bartender said, "Man, you look real down. Wanna talk about it? Sometimes it helps." "Well, I doubt it," replied the man. "You see, I'm a composer who hasn't had much luck. It seems the world is really against me. Recently I wrote the best song I've ever written, but I can't get any music publishers interested, and I've been to them all." The bartender suggested, "Well let's hear it. Try it out on the crowd." The man moves to the bar piano and proceeds to play a tune so incredibly melodious, so ethereal, that the bar turns dead quiet except for the music. Everyone is totally entranced. Goose bumps ap

Bread Is Dangerous 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as litt

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?" With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Billy asked his mother, "Can I go over to Little Johnny's house and watch the magic show?" Billy's mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?" He answered, "The one Johnny's mom performs. I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!"

DOCTORS WERE TOLD TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW HOSPITAL WING AT THE HOSPITAL. WHAT WAS THEIR REACTION? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstreticians stated they were laboring under a misconception. The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. The orthopedists issued a joint resolution. The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!"

Bounty - The Quicker Picker-Upper Chevy Truck - Like A Rock Energizer - It Keepsa Going And Going KFC - Finger Lickin' Good McDonals - We Love To See You Smile M&M's - It Melts In Your Mouth, Not In Your Hands Nike - Just Do It Pringles - Once You Pop, You Can't Stop

Little Johnny was giving confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

Did you hear that Hollywood is going to remake The Exorcist? The new movie is about a mother who hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son.

"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it." Said the lazily amorous abbot. "Although it's more fun, To have sex with a nun, It's so hard to get into the habit!"